I’ve heard it said that faith is our response to the unseen, unknown, and untouchable. For many years, I cultivated a worldview that believed mountains could be moved with a tiny speck of faith. It was an acceptance that no matter what occurred in my “physical” reality, there was always something stirring in the spiritual. At times, it seemed as if the “physical” got in the way of the “spiritual”. Whatever nagging question or doubt I had was “rebuked in the name of Jesus!” Spiritual formation seemed to be about quieting the voice of doubt and elevating the voice of faith. I wanted to be known as a “man of faith”, not a “man of doubt”. Yet, the cascade of questions and uncertainties in a horizon filled with bloody violence, chronic hunger, despotic leaders, and economic disparity began to suffocate whatever semblance of faith I held.

To me, I was the subject of faith, not the object. It seemed like everyone around me “saw” Jesus, but I was the only one who hadn’t. Some viewed me as an enemy for simply wanting more evidence. Others preferred I remained quiet. But I couldn’t. I had to touch Jesus for myself in order to believe. To me, some things are far too valuable to be left to “wishful thinking”. So, when Jesus appeared to me and said, “touch my scar”, I knew I wasn’t the subject of faith, but the object of it. Faith is not something I create out of thin air, rather, it’s something that happens to me. It was Jesus who would be the “faith-full” one while I remain the “faith-less” one. Even when I couldn’t believe all the “pie in the sky” talk, deep inside, someone is tethering me to faith.

I have felt the touch of Jesus when I embrace my children and feel the power of love so innocent and fragile. I have touched the scar of Jesus when I’ve run my fingers on the scars of someone who’s undergone surgery. I have seen Jesus limp across 118 Ave to grab some groceries from Crystal Kids. It may sound strange to say this, but I think I’ve just begun to truly understand faith even while I continue to demand more evidence for what I claim to believe.

—Omar Reyes

Face to Face with Jesus Teaching Series

A reflection on John 20:24-31

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